Taking Stock

Friday, September 27

The other Sunday morning i woke at 6am. I lay in bed looking through my window at the sun just trying to get up. I was wide awake. After a while i pulled myself out of bed, wrapped up in my warmest, laziest, Sunday clothes and woke up the pup. He was a little blurry eyed and confused as to why we were walking so early, but there was something in the air telling me to walk outside into the fields before the world had woken up. Everything was calm, quiet and oh so peaceful. For the first time that week my mind was empty, my head felt as soft as a cloud and i could truly begin to take stock on everything. 

Making : plans for a weekend away of calm and serenity. I feel i need this the most right now.
Cooking : breakfast food most days. I find pancakes eaten on the decking soothe my soul.
Drinking : as many cups of tea as the kettle will allow. 
Reading: The Runaway by 
Martina Cole. I'm really enjoying it actually. There seems to be something so beautiful about their tragic lives. 
Wanting: to know what direction to take next. 
Looking: at everything and everyone in a new light. Some people don't show there darkness until you need there light. 
Playing: my ipod on shuffle. It has a way of knowing what i need to hear. 
Wasting: hours daydreaming. 

Wishing: for better days ahead on every feather and eyelash i find.
Enjoying: finding a new sense of myself.
Waiting: ...always, waiting. 
Liking: the fall weather, creeping in so subtly i hardly noticed it. 
Wondering: what is in store for me just around the corner? 
Loving: realising who and what you really need in your life. 
Hoping: the sun keeps shining even when the temperature drops to nothing. 
Marveling: at every sunrise and sunset i can find. I seem to be waking with the sun each morning and i love it. 
Needing: some space and time. 
Smelling: the fresh flowers in my room that managed to fill all four vases from one bunch. 
Wearing: knitted jumpers and fluffy socks. 
Following: the country lanes to wherever they want to take me. 
Noticing: the important things a little more. 
Knowing: what i want from life. 
Thinking: too much. 
Feeling: confused, dazed, chilly and frustrated. 
Bookmarking: adventures. 
Opening: a bottle of wine after a long week at work. 
Giggling: rarely but at things that are really funny. 
Feeling: a million feelings all at once.

 As inspired by this.


Wednesday, September 25

You might have noticed i haven't been around much. This isn't something i intended to happen, but sometimes you need to take a step back and reflect on everything. I've been having a hard time recently. Without going into to much detail. Things aren't good. The boy and I have suffered majorly and i find myself asking the question of 'What did i do to deserve this?' Although i'm trying to be strong and pull the positives from the situation, it's difficult. Dealing with someone who is in such a self destructive place when you aren't all together yourself has got to be one of the most difficult things to endure. 

So above all else that is going on right now i am just trying to get through the day. I'm taking stock on what has happened and i'm trying to reflect on the situation so i can hopefully see the bright light at the end. Things may be a little scarce around here for a few weeks but i hope you all understand. 

My head is full of loud worrying voices and fuzzy pictures, like a crowded room where the people just wont stop coming in. I'm yearning for some space. Head space, physical space. Just some space from it all. You loose a sense of yourself when these things happen and i would like that back please. 

Three: Burghley Horse Trials 2013 (1)

Friday, September 13

This is my first section of photo's from the Cross country on Saturday. The whole day we stayed well clear of the shops and the masses of crowds that had appeared for the day. We were up and in early before 9.30 and walked the first part of the course before the horse started. As the day went on we watched a horse or two a jump and moved along so we got to see them all. 

My mother joined us on the Saturday and brought Grizzle with her (he would have hated the days we were shopping) so he got a good long walk round the entire course. We witnessed only one person nearly fall off but thankfully she recovered it pretty quickly and managed to stay on. The cross country is my favourite of the three events but if you go i would advise staying away from the shops. It's like christmas in Primark! 

You can see the other post for Burghley Horse Trails here

Two: Burghley Horse Trails 2013

Wednesday, September 11

The weather took a turn Friday morning, but thankfully my optimism that we wouldn't get rain payed off and although it was overcast, we stayed dry. We hit the shops again in the morning followed by another lazy lunch picnic from the back of the land rover. After Lunch we watched the dressage competitors. As you know if you've ever been to watch, everything and everyone is silent when the dressage is on. We were being good until a particularity strong, buff, bald headed rider from America started talking to the news reporter.. in the highest, squeakiest voice known to man!

Me and A fell about laughing, luckily the people who did turn to look at us all knew what we were laughing and joined in, i'll admit not as much as us who were by this point laughing so much our eyes were watering. We stayed until all the shops were packing up for the night and then headed over to Dubarry to have some more champagne and giggle about with them for a while. By the time we left Burghley was deserted, which made for incredibly funny Burghley after dark style photo sessions.  More on that to come.. 

Day one can be found here

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